Apocolypse Survival 101

So, if you are a man you have a zombie survival plan.
You do, don't lie!

But whats your plan for nuclear winter? or a Fallout kinda deal?
The reason i ask is because i just bought New Vegas (My review: Do you like Fallout 3? Yes? Then you'll like this) and have been wondering, how would i survive? Conditions are of course different for me as I live in Ireland and the Ireland i live in isn't within a video game, at least as far as i can tell.

If china ever decides to fuck shit up with Nato Ireland should get off without any actual nukes hitting us, but theres fallout to contend with. Lots of Ghouls and Super Mutants and no guns for me to kill em with.. hmm problem? Fuck yeah it is.

So Mission 1, get armed
Guns aren't the cereal box prizes they are in America so are pretty rare
Your best bet, a police station or hunting club
America is the same but also try hillbillys houses/gang members houses/cultist complexes /republicans houses/local library/public schools/retirement homes(for that retro look)/wall mart/shooting range/hospital/church/local supermarket/Toys R Us.. Etc Etc

Mission 2, Don't be a big dam hero
You'll die

Mission 3, Eat stuff skinny
Food and Water, you need a constant supply of it
Quickly, grab your gun and head on down to Tesco/Wall Mart
Grab yourself a trolley, grab all the canned beans and spaghetti you can find as well as bottles of water and BIG buckets
If someone comes running at you, shoot first, regret later

Mission 4, RUN!!
Get the fuck out off the big city, grab a van and head to the mountains or someshit
Find an easily defended position and wait till you run out of beans
This is particularly important when dealing with Zombies for they can't climb or walk very fast
Avoiding crowds of them increases your chances to survive from Red Shirt to Captain Kirk

Mission 5
Sit back and relax, wait for some form of normality to return then head on back to the city you so cruelly raped


Now, feel free to troll the shit out of this
And I'll make Survival 102 with your suggestions

Fucking With Mormons

I was looking through my old word files and found something I did a while ago
Trolled some mormons, trolled em good
Here's the transcript with minor edits
Also I told them my name was Amanda Huginkiss

Welcome to Mormon.org chat.
A representative will be with you shortly.

Please continue to hold for the next available agent.

We apologize for the delay.
You may continue to hold or email us at missionaries@mormon.org

Agent [Heidi] is ready to assist you.

Me: Hello

Agent [Jackie] has joined the chat.

Heidi: Hello

Heidi: This is Heidi and Jackie

Heidi: We are missionaries for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Me: What is the mormon held view on evolution?

Heidi: What brings you to Mormon.org?

Me: I just asked

Jackie: we believe in the creation, that man was created in the image of God.

Jackie: however, that does not mean that we don't support the study of science. we believe that as humans we have the ability to evolve in the sense that we are always progressing.

Me: What about women, who were they created in the image of then?

Me: I was raised religiously, but my parents arent all that knowledgeable

Jackie: we believe that women too were created in the image of God. God created men and women to help each other.

Jackie: do you get a chance to study the bible pretty often?

Me: But if they are created in the image of God too, does that mean God is in fact, half man, half woman, some omnipotent hermaphrodite as it were? or is God in fact a selection of entities, collectively known as God

Heidi: Adam was created in the image of God

Heidi: We believe Eve was created as spoken of in the Bible, a help mate

Me: So women are simply tools to be used by man?

Heidi: No, not at all

Heidi: Men and women were created equal in the sight of God

Heidi: Amanda what faith do you practice?

Me: Simply a follower of Christ, no specific denomination

Me: Im trying to learn more about different demoninations

Me: Whats the mormon view of marriage?

Jackie: so you have been able to gain truth out of reading the bible, correct?

Me: The bible seems contradictory

Me: In the old testament God kills many people, in the new testament Jesus claims he would never harm anyone, ever

Me: I have gained only questions

Heidi: Have you brought your questions to God?

Heidi: Amanda I have found that the best way to find out is to place your faith in God

Me: He's never spoken back, well not often, usually he only tells me football results

Me: That may be the radio though

Me: So

Heidi: Amanda something we can do is we can have those missionaries come and teach you about prayer.

Me: Marriage

Heidi: would you like that

Me: No, im fine on that front

Me: Also, i doubt you have missionaries where i live

Jackie: where do you live?

Jackie: we have over 50,000 missionaries worldwide who all volunteer to share this message of hope and happiness.

Me: I live in Ireland

Heidi: They are over there.

Me: Really?

Heidi: There are missionaries like us who devout 18 months of our life doing this service

Me: But can we get back on topic

Heidi: And they are able to come and share with you more about the Book of Mormon.

Heidi: Would you like that?

Me: Not yet

Me: need more info

Heidi: Perfect then we can call you and be able to explain you more?

Me: No

Me: This is fine

Me: Just basic information

Me: I want to know what seperates you from other churches?

Me: Like marriage, ive heard you're different

Jackie: although we are here to answer questions, we know you can receive the answers to these questions by learning more through the Book of Mormon and the missionaries there in Ireland.

Jackie: feel free to browse the website and learn more.

Me: How do i meet with these missionaries

Jackie: well, if we can get your number and address--we can send your info to our colleagues, missionaries like us, there in Ireland who can contact you and find time to visit and share more with you.

Me: okay

Me: (I gave them the address and phone number of a local Dominoes Pizza)

Jackie: okay, perfect. and something heidi and i can do is call you to make sure they were able to visit you and share more. we can then teach you more until those local missionaries get there!

Jackie: is that okay?

Me: Ehm

Me: Okay

So I just watched some guy on X Factor sing Born to Run. My ears feel raped after that, how could you do that to springsteen?! And choreographed dancing? What the hell is wrong with these people, If you don't understand a song don't perform it..

Having said that, they also covered Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen one year and that made me want to cry... what next X Factor? WHAT NEXT?! Master of Puppets done A Capella? Actually that'd be pretty funny, someone do that, or if it exists, post a link for me! In return I'll post some seriously genius covers, first off its Livin Da Vida Loca by the Toy Dolls, made me laugh my ass off the first time i saw it










So what things make you want to cry? TV Shows, bands etc etc
Please Tell!

The Hilarity that is Irish Politics

I'm pretty sure most of my readers are American or at least not Irish so they probably don't understand the sheer hilarity that is Irish politics. So my simpletons, time to enlighten you!
Now, I know you always hear the anecdotes about the drunken Irishman, but none sums it up better than our dear old prime minister Brian Cowen, Grade A retard and drunken lout, the man did an interview after a night out and was evidently drunk live on the radio, funny shit guys. I'll post a link at the bottom of this blog, and yeah that is out PRIME MINISTER, the man in charge of the country.



Another funny and REAL story, a humble Green Party TD (Member of Parliament) got mad in a session of the Dail and decided to unleash his anger in  most un-parliamentary language

Suit Up Day!

So, today was Suit Up Day, the holiday dedicated to How I Met Your Mothers real leading man, BARNEY STINSON! So to celebrate I wore a suit into college today as did one of my friends. My only regret today is that I didn't play any laser tag... How did you guys spend Suit Up Day? Did you even know it was on? If you did would you have done it? Answer me these riddles 3.

In other news, I'm looking for a job, many things I wish to buy, none more important than a new computer, mine has hit shits ville. It still works, but its slow and the fans too loud, makes doing anything a real fucking pain, computers about 5 years old, so probably as powerful as the iPhone 4, and dont get me wrong, I'm all for rapidly advancing tech, I'd just be more on board if i could afford it!
Hmm if only someone would pay me full time to bitch on the internet... The amazing atheist has it MADE!
I'm buying a new fan for my PC soon, one that actually fits, I think I'll restart my vlog when that happens, we'll see, I'd love to do that again, I'll still update this most days, typing is a lot easier you see, for I am LAZY! 

Also JAZZ HANDS!

Being an Atheist in Ireland is fun

So, i stopped believing in god when I was about 11 years old. Why you ask? Well nothing spectacular it just stopped making sense to me but that's not why I am here, I don't intend or even want to convert you christys
I'm talking about being an Atheist in what is easily the most and simultaneously the least christian nation in Europe. Some background, Ireland is Christian in the same sense Good Charlotte is punk, sure they dressed the part.. which is pretty unpunk if you think about it, but they never had the heart, or something

All talk, thats what they were, same rule applies to Ireland and religion, i wonder why so many went to church, must be the sacramental wine..
Anyway, in good poser tradition, they liked to talk the talk, and as such I was taught all about the bible as a kid, including Adam and Eve, i shit you not, they actually taught me that
Fast forward about 7 years and I'm 16  and sitting in Religion class while my nut job of a religion teacher is telling the class that she saw a Banshee when she was a kid and I'm thinking, what the fuck is wrong with this woman, some weeks later shes spouting on that Scientology is bullshit (which it is) but i politely remind that she believes a man can walk on water, and she doesn't yell at me.. no.. no she ... she... AGREES with me
No greater insult, clever bitch, but still, i can tell i pissed her off, and from that point onward i continued to remind her and remind her and remind her of all the crazy shit she believes in

Conclusion? She let me listen to my iPod in class

There ya go simpletons, wanna listen to music in class? Just contradict everything your teacher says

Nostalgia and Shit

Hello simpletons

Petty insults behind us, how are you doing today?
I'm good thanks for asking... Ahem
Yeah, theres a point to this blog don't rush me

So assuming most of you are between the age of 16-20 i can safely say you've played Pokemon
Pokemon is awesome Gen 1 and Gen 2 at least, what the fuck happened afterwards? I dont know either
But still, i love Blue/Red/Yellow/Gold/Silver/Crystal
Recently I've been playing Heart Gold on DS and it includes some pokemon ive never heard off and i keep thinking, whats the point? This is a remake, dont add new ones, who wants that, thats like adding lemon to Coke... and we all know how royally that sucked

Speaking of Awesome
Enjoy the song of the day

GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCoMSL0hwXE

Blogging and Youtube

So, as we all know, blogging has been a big part of the internet for many a year, but riddle me this, is it losing popularity due to websites like Youtube?
Vloggers appeal to a much larger base and have built up quite the community. I've been on youtube since 2006 when Smosh released their viral video, "Pokemon Theme Song", this plus other incredibly popular videos like Charlie bit my finger, Chocolate Rain etc etc brought youtube an audience and vloggers like SxePhil kept that audience which has grown and grown. How does this relate to my first point? Well, who wants to read when they can just watch someone talk?!
I'm fond of both, but from experience i know that  most people aren't so keen, that involves concentration like, which is for fucking nerds (Dftba?!)
Not much concentration needed, but the most complicated books kids read now a days is Twilight or Harry Potter, which is not a good thing, not a good thing at all.

Blablablablablablablabla twilight is terrible

No rant for you today, i've done that before!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcsK82SNRCI

So if your one of the aforementioned simpletons who dislike reading, there's my vlog! Which doesnt get updated much so tough shit for you.

Tangents aside i hope you enjoy my blog, ill try update this regularly